Tag Archives: zombies

Treatment 236 – Madhouse

Go Crazy! The Schlock Treatment family grows by one this week, kind of like when the Batman family adds a new Batwoman. We’re doing them one better, though, because we’ve got Danielle Henderson! Speaking of guests, Danielle brought us a tale of overstayed house guests in the John Larroquette/Kirstie Alley vehicle (actually, that’s a house)…

Madhouse!

Doug lays down lessons on old Netflix business models and Build-a-Bear insurance!

Matt defines Gotham for Beginners and NYC couch planning!

Danielle gives a sneak peek into horror-loving pyromaniac grandmas!

Next week: We’re staying topical with one of the main subjects of Straight Outta Compton! That’s right, we’re looking at you, Ice Cube, in xXx: State of the Union!

Treatment 148 – Re-Animator

ReAnimatorAll we can really and truly say, for this our final Schlocktober film is that you asked for it!!!

Re-Animator

Some would call it a modern classic. Some would say it’s a pillar of the horror community. Some would call it sheer genius. Still others, apparently, would not. Prepare yourself for some inane bickering of the highest order!

GAPE… as Matt and Marc commence what will surely be a legendary argument in the annals of Schlock Treatment!!!

GASP… for breath as it lasts endlessly, despite Doug‘s best efforts to move things along!!!

CRY OUT… for mercy when Kirk joins the fray for a few heroic seconds but must immediately back away from the searing heat of THE POINTLESS ARGUMENT!!!

As always, you can find Re-Animator on Netflix Instant. Feel free to watch it, if you haven’t already, and then head to the comments section below, where there will no doubt be some lively side-taking! Or, just head to iTunes and write us a review! We love them!!!

Next Week: We start November as “Thanks but No Thanks” month! Each Schlock Jock will be allowed to choose one film to torture the others with, for which they will have NO VETO POWER!!! First in line is Doug, who chose The American Astronaut!

Treatment 117 – Spellcaster

PaintingMonsterIs it the 80s? Is it the 90s? Is it a vehicle for a washed-up rocker? Or is it a shitty movie with a 5 minute cameo from a washed-up rocker who was doing the film-makers a favor by even appearing?

Spellcaster

Adam Ant makes his Schlock Treatment debut (lucky him) in this intensely schlocky bit of 90s horror cinema that feels decidedly 80s. Bunty Bailey makes an appearance as well, as though someone should know who she is. She was in the Ah-Ha video, in case you’re wondering. Also, keep an eye out for the old Edwardian gas mask guy from She.

DANCE… your best interpretive dance, as Marc and Matt discuss the art of spellcasting through dance!!!

TEASE…your way through the “Next Week’s Movie” segment, as it keeps dangling temptation in front of you and then snatching it away!!!

DRINK…yourself to oblivion to get over the constant abuse being hurled by the members of this freakin’ podcast!!!

Spellcaster is available streaming on Netflix, and you can find it in parts on YouTube. Also, be sure to check us out on iTunes to write the podcast a review, or head to Stitcher and favorite us!

Next Week: We’re covering Lone Wolf McQuaid Hard Target The Hunted Death Wish Black Dog, with Patrick Swayze and Meatloaf!!!

Treatment 96 – C.H.U.D.

It has begun!

Yes, it’s Schlocktober, and we’re celebrating by bringing you four weeks in a row of schlock horror! You voted, and we listened, and now we bring you choice number 4 from our poll!

C.H.U.D.

Yes, it’s perhaps one of the most famous monster movie titles of all time, and yet most people probably never picked this one up from the video store. Maybe it’s because the name is just that ridiculous. Maybe it’s because the premise is a little goofy. Or maybe it’s because it stars the amazingly charisma-free John Heard, and his Home Alone co-star Daniel Stern!

CREEP… beneath the streets of good taste, as  Marc and Kirk criticize Doug‘s impression of Mike Tyson for sounding too much like Ice-T!!!

STALK… the victim that is boredom, as we welcome Stephen Hawkings to read a letter from Matt!!!

IRRADIATE… your sadness glands (you didn’t need them anyway) as the guys talk candy and munch on this week’s featured treat!!!

Be sure to look for C.H.U.D. on Netflix Instant, and block the random city sewer entrance that’s supposedly in everyone’s basement. We also made sure to add it to our store, where you can find that and many other flicks we covered! Then head to iTunes and PLEASE RATE THE PODCAST! Okay, that’s it. We’ll stop telling you what to do, now.

Wait….also tune in next week!

NEXT: Schlocktober continues as we are forced by Netflix to resort to our runner-up film already (they pulled Silver Bullet)! It’s Children of the Corn!

Treatment 93 – Lifeforce

The obvious questions is: can a bad film be saved by the fact that the lead actress is completely nude in nearly every scene? No film is quite as qualified to answer that question as this one.

Lifeforce

The answer, of course, was a resounding “maybe!” Mathilda May‘s ample assets certainly doesn’t subtract from the success of this film. In addition there’s the great Patrick Stewart in a small, but scene-chewing, role! So, this movie sound’s great, right? Unfortunately, there’s also Steve Railsback and Golan & Globus.

SUCK… the essence from yet another scene-by-scene analysis by Marc, Doug, and Kirk!!

BAFFLE… at another failed joke attempt by Marc, whose addled brain doesn’t quite manage it!!!

STAB… another hour of boredom in the heart with a giant steel sword!!! Actually, you should stab it just below the heart, where the soul is stored.

 As always, you can find Lifeforce on Netflix. You can also buy the DVD from our store, if you feel like it. Please go to iTunes and write a review for the podcast there. New reviews will enjoy the privilege of being read on the show! DO IT!!! Also, subscribe please. Okay, I think that’s it.

Next Week: Oh man, we’re following up on our Highlander coverage by covering the incredibly ludicrous “renegade edition” of Highlander II! Join us then!

Also, don’t forget to vote in our Schlocktober Poll and choose the films for that month! The poll is right to the right! —>

Treatment 61 – The Vineyard

Okay, very often we cover films, and we expect that people aren’t actually going to watch it. They’ve probably seen it, or maybe they’ll just get the gist of it from our conversation. Well, if there’s any movie that you actually try to seek out, let this be it!

The Vineyard

James Hong is definitely a podcast favorite. From his roles in movies like Big Trouble in Little China, to his amazing Christmas album, we love this guy! And now  we cover a film that he wrote, directed, and starred in! If any movie is a disturbing glimpse into this guy’s psyche…well, this is it.

THRILL… as the guys discuss their various reactions to seeing James Hong groping and sexing-up a half-naked woman!!!

CRINGE… at the endless James Hong impressions, that slowly degrade into horrible Asian stereotypes!!!

REVEL… in the absolute incompetence and utter weirdness of this crazy film!!! (Seriously, watch it!)

The Vineyard is currently available to stream on Netflix Instant. If you don’t have Netflix, you can find the DVD on Amazon through our store, and you can rent it there too! So, be sure to watch this one…we can’t recommend it enough for fans of schlock! Then be sure to subscribe to the podcast on iTunes, and join us next week!

Prescription for Next Week: We take on 80s Filmation cartoon, He-Man & She-Ra: The Secret of the Sword!! Yep. You know you loved it as a kid. Now it’s time for us to shatter your childhood illusions. Fun, huh?