Tag Archives: sword and sorcery

Treatment 173 – Big Trouble in Little China

BigMonsterHey…after last week’s betrayal we felt a little bad, so this week we’re making it up to our listeners with a classic bit of schlock! Well…it’s schlocky, but also amazing. So is it schlock? Who the fuck knows. We should probably have this figured out by now. Anyway…you’re welcome.

Big Trouble in Little China

This Week: Kirk drops an amazing Hoggle impression!! Matt talks all about Randy Quaid’s Big Weird Bankrupt Dick!!! Doug makes a bunch of references that go over Marc’s head!! And Marc is overly detailed in his monster classification system!!!

Next Time: It’s Ahnold, making his triumphant return in The Running Man!!

Treatment 159 – Deathstalker

DeathstalkerThere’s few things that have quite the potential for awesomeness and awfulness as a sword and sandal flick! And this one is no exception!

Deathstalker

If you’re looking for boobs, look no further. This film has them aplenty! Unfortunately, they usually appear in the context of a horrific gang-rape. Yep. So, this movie sucks.

In this week’s episode: Matt shares his theory about how Marc is every character on Welcome Back, Kotter! Kirk wonders at the amazing sword-wiping pants! Doug shares his impression of Putty from Seinfeld as the Pig Man!

Next Week: We start Schlocksploitation month with Truck Turner!!!

Treatment 113 – The Dungeonmaster

DungeonmasterComing off our high from Sleepaway Camp, we descend into the DTs of moviedom. And what could be more appropriate for coming down, than a horror/sci-fi/fantasy film that was so awful it needed seven directors? It’s so bad, that Doug ends up bowing out for this episode…that bastard!

The Dungeonmaster

Richard Moll makes his debut appearance as a Schlock Treatment subject thanks to this truly awful film. It has computers, lasers, goblins, demons, zombies, Jack the Ripper, serial killers, cop-donut jokes, dwarfs with guns, monkey statues, and so much more! Despite all this, however, it manages to bore the hell out of all of us!

GET ZAPPED…when Doug disappears due to being sucked into a weird game of laser tag!!!

LINK UP…as Matt really and truly gets mad at this week’s film for being so awful!!!

REJECT OUR REALITY AND SUBSTITUTE YOUR OWN…as Kirk and Marc belt out the MacGyver theme with style and grace!!!

Find The Dungeonmaster on Netflix Instant, if you’re a masochist. Also, be sure to rate the podcast on iTunes, and look for us on Stitcher! Click the links to the right to find us on those services!

Next Week: We go after oscar nominee, Ben Affleck in a big way in Phantoms!!

Treatment 105 – He-Man & She-Ra: A Christmas Special

skeletorAnd, we’re back with yet another Christmas offering! But don’t worry, it’s not a repeat of last time’s awful Power Rangers nightmare!

This time we bring you the very best in Holiday Schlock, with another He-Man & She-Ra mashup! And while He-Man and She-Ra have top billing, the real star of this episode is our personal favorite…Skeletor!

He-Man & She-Ra: A Christmas Special

It’s a fun one, with Hordak, Skeletor, Orko and all the usual weirdness in full swing…and a bunch of sappy yuletide lessons to be learned as well! They even throw in some new toys…er…I mean characters!

FLEX… your funnybone as Marc opens the podcast hopped up on Christmas cookies!!!

SMASH… the gigantic robots of boredom as Matt introduces a new podcast, The Podcast Dudes!!! (No, not really.)

HUG… your inner snuggly, blue robot dog as Doug and Kirk discuss “deep Frenching!!!”

As always, find any movie we cover on Netflix Instant so you can watch it before listening to us rip it apart! We also found it on Amazon, and popped it into our store, for your convenience! You’re welcome! When you’re done thanking your lucky stars for us, please be sure to drop by iTunes and rate the podcast 5 stars! If you write us a review, we’ll be sure to read it on the show! THANKS!

Next Week: We round out the year with our annual wrap-up awards show, known as The Schlockies!! Brace yourself, as we  choose our favorite and least favorite films of the year!

Treatment 100!!! – She (revisited)

It’s finally here!

Sandy did her darnedest, and managed to delay us a week. We’ve fought power outages, flooding, gas shortages, and all pop-tart diets. But, now, finally we are back and bringing you a very special 100th Episode! Special in the sense that we’re covering a movie we already covered once. That’s special, right?

She

Yes, She was the very first film we covered. You can still find that episode (and part 2, episode 2) here on the website, but we don’t recommend it. It’s long and rambling, and the audio is horrifyingly bad! She, on the other hand, is amazingly good! We call it one of the best schlock movies of all time!

REMINISCE… with the guys, as they talk about their early effort at covering the film, and Matt aptly compares it to the KTMA season of MST3k!!!

BUILD… on the legend that is Schlock Treatment with several new running gags, and soon-to-be-call-backs!!!

CELEBRATE… 100 episodes of rambling podcasting, as we derail yet another episode, this time with a meandering discussion about Yes and chess!!!

She is (still) available on Netflix, even after all this time! We encourage you to check it out, since it’s hilarious. It’s probably still available in our store, even! Also, please head to iTunes and write us a review! It should be your 100th episode gift to us!

Next Treatment: We kick off our second hundred episodes with something different, by heading back to the small screen! Be sure to check out Episodes 5 & 6 of MacGyver Season 1, now streaming on Netflix!!!

Treatment 72 – Conan the Destroyer

After a long stretch of boring truck movies, we decided to bring some action to the show! To that end, we’re doing a string of bad sequels to great films! And we’re kicking it off, with the sequel to a sword and sorcery classic!

Conan the Destroyer

Destroyer fails on several counts despite a great cast and a wonderful template from the first film, Conan the Barbarian! It features a meandering, and pointless plot, an exceedingly annoying sidekick, and a relative lack of nudity and gore. Disappointing, to say the least. The schlock docs all admit to enjoying it, despite it’s shortcomings, though.

GRAB IT… with us, as we discuss the joys of Grace Jones‘ performance!!!

TAKE IT… as we read a couple iTunes reviews, and reveal an Easter egg (just in time for easter) on our iTunes page!!!

PUNCH THE CAMEL… again, and again, as we somehow manage to discuss Titanic, Indiana Jones, and an imaginary conversation between André the Giant and Arnold Schwarzenegger!!!

You can find Conan the Destroyer on Netflix, and in our store as either an Amazon Video on Demand, or a DVD! You can also go to iTunes to find the aforementioned Easter Egg in Johnny Slick‘s review! While you’re there, subscribe to the podcast, rate us, and write us a review!

Next Week: We continue with bad sequels to good films, and revisit the musical genre! We cover the mediocre sequel, Grease 2!!