Tag Archives: jack palance

Treatment 45 -The Mercenary

Oh, man. This is a bad one. I mean this episode is a bad one, not so much this week’s movie. Somehow, we just couldn’t do it this week. We’ve decided to take the bold step of warning listeners to stay away. If anything, just listen to the first and last 10 minutes, and skip the rest. That way you’ll hear us read some letters, and pimp our upcoming Schlocktober movies.

The Mercenary

The film isn’t a bad one, it’s a decent spaghetti western with Jack Palance (our old pal), Franco Nero, and Tony Musante. Frankly, it’s short on schlock. Does this mean it’s too good of a movie for this podcast? Well, we’ve covered better movies, IMHO. But it doesn’t have that special combination of goofiness and incompetence that we come to expect from our films on Schlock Treatment.

WEEP… as the guys try to say something…anything…about this week’s movie, and conversation slowly devolves into a free-form discussion about nothing in particular!!!

LAMENT… as Marc denounces the evil that is Matt‘s weird pair of Charles Nelson Reilly glasses (see photo)!!

BEMOAN… the collapse of all things Shlock Treatment as Doug leaves the room, Matt shuts down, Marc resorts to hurling epithets, and Kirk tries desperately to hold it all together!!

If you are a masochist, feel free to find The Mercenary on Netflix Instant, watch it, and then listen to our show. Frankly, we don’t recommend doing any of those things. About the only thing worth listening to in this entire episode is the announcement of the winners of the Schlocktober Poll! It definitely looks like things are going to get better in Schlocktober, so get on iTunes and subscribe to the podcast!

Next Week: The 3rd place winner in our Schlocktober Listener Poll, Creepshow!!

Treatment 41 – Gor

If you’re confused right now, you may have missed the announcement that we had to skip the Ralph Bakshi film Fire and Ice due to problems streaming it on Netflix. Then again, if you’re confused right now, it’s just as likely that you watched the replacement we chose for this week’s movie.


As a last resort, we decided to fall back to our old schlocktastic stand-by of the sword and sandal film! This one stars the one-and-only Oliver Reed, who is as eccentric, vaguely-creepy, and more-than-likely drunken as ever! It purportedly also stars our old friend Jack Palance, though he only makes a disappointing and confusing appearance in the last 5 minutes of the flick. Gor is based on a rather large series of novels by John Norman, who developed this adolescent, and mostly misogynistic sexual fantasy of a world in 30 novels (and counting).

RIP… your sleeves off and join Kirk, Matt, and Doug in an impromptu a cappella “Gor” tribute song!!!

REVEL… in the manly, manly world of manly men (large and small) who wear manly, too-short tunics!!!

ROAR… with laughter as the talk somehow leads to subjects likeĀ  The A-Team, Solid Gold, Golden Axe, and Robert Townsend!!!

Gor can be found on Netflix to watch instantly. Be sure to check it out before listening. Also, remember to subscribe to the podcast on iTunes! If you can, we’d also appreciate reviews on iTunes, since those help us to get noticed by other listeners! If you want to follow us on Facebook or Twitter, check out our links to the right.

Next Week: Back to school, with the fraternity hazing flick gone wrong, Hell Night, starring Linda Blair! See you then!

Treatment 5 – The Shape of Things to Come

You.....are my number one.....robot!

Treatment number five limps into your friendly neighborhood mp3 player after much tribulation. This was recorded almost two weeks ago (pre-Thanksgiving) but the editing and release was delayed thanks to Marc being a tad under the weather. If you listen closely, I think you can hear the cold slowly taking him over as this episode progresses.

At any rate, here we finally cover the Jack Palance clunker, The Shape of Things to Come. It’s a lovely little sci-fi turd in the vein of Battlestar Galactica or Buck Rogers. Except instead of being a cheesy sci-fi TV show with a low budget, this is a movie with a 3 million dollar budget (Canadian dollars, but still.)

THRILL…as we geek out over the history of saucer separation in film!!!

CRINGE… as we ruthlessly shred the producer’s obsession with minutia!!!

WONDER…what the hell we have been smoking for the weird opening banter!!!

In other news, you can now find us on iTunes! Look us up! Drop us a rating! Or, if you’re so inclined, write us a review!