Category Archives: Television

Treatment 70 – Killdozer

Okay, so it’s not a truck in the traditional Large March sense. Excuuuuuse us! Look, we got caught off guard. We’ll admit it freely! We ran short of decent truck movies, and we started scraping! We figured this one would be guaranteed to bring us out of our boring truck-movie funk!

KILLDOZER!!

We were wrong. We know that now. I mean, with a name like “Killdozer,” you would expect a movie to be action-packed! Unfortunately, this one hangs around construction sites, listens to bad country music, and pines for the loss of Robert Urich.

CRASH… into an extra long mail-bag segment, as we try to pad out this episode with letters about the infamous wikipedia argument!!!

DEMOLISH… another truck movie with Marc, Doug, and Kirk as we find ourselves begging for the blissful end of our stupid Large March idea!!

GO ON STRIKE… with the guys, as they play a rousing game of Re-Cast It, in an attempt to turn this movie into something mildly interesting!!!

You can find the full movie, Killdozer, on YouTube. You can’t find it in our store, but you can find many other movies we’ve covered there, so check it out! Also, be sure to find us on iTunes, drop us a rating/review, and subscribe to the podcast! You’ll want to be subscribed for next week’s episode, where we’ll finally close out Large March!

Next Week’s Treatment: Maximum Overdrive!! It’s also available in full length and for free on YouTube!

Treatment 62 – He-Man She-Ra: The Secret of the Sword

“Uh…is that your sword poking my back?” “It’s a secret.”

Everything you fondly recall about your childhood is a lie. The truth is, when you were a tiny little tyke, you had some really shitty taste. This week, we decided to revisit a childhood favorite in the form of a Filmation animated feature/first five episodes of a new series.

He-Man She-Ra: The Secret of the Sword

The secret of this sword, is that it’s a cheap knock-off of the He-Man series, but aimed at girls in the most shallow way possible! We have rip-offs of He-Man characters, only the worst traits seem the most amplified. But, don’t worry, all of your favorite old characters are still there (except Orko) to reassure you that He-Man really wasn’t much more than a giant commercial.

CRINGE…at Marc‘s Cringer impression. It’s not a bad impression, Cringer’s voice is just that hard to listen to!!!

TRANSFORM… your day, as Matt describes his favorite character, Arnold Hordvak!!!

HURL INSULTS… at your MP3 player, as Doug hurls idiotic insults in his best Skeletor voice, and Kirk does his best impression of a horse!!!

If you want to shatter childhood illusions, you can find The Secret of the Sword to stream instantly on Netflix Instant! You can also find it available for digital rental from Amazon through our store! So watch it today, and then join us as we talk about what He-Man toys we had as kids! Also, be sure to subscribe to the podcast on iTunes, and join us for next week’s episode!

Next Week: Holy shit, y’all! We are super excited that Enter the Ninja is streaming again!! We’ll talk Sho Kosugi and Franco Nero next week!

Treatment 56 -Buck Rogers in the 25th Century

We thought that it would be fun to return to the world of TV schlock, this week. What we were thinking I have NO idea!

Buck Rogers in the 25th Century

Yep, it doesn’t get much cheesier than this. This is a series that straddles two of the cheesiest decades, and it takes the worst of both. Gil Gerard stars as the title character, and Erin Gray is mostly just stunningly gorgeous. We focus on the pilot episode, dubbed “Awakening.”

THRILL… as Doug croons the “Space Boat” theme song, and attempts another Topol impression!!!

GASP… as the guys drool over Erin Gray, and Matt professes his undying love!!!

CRINGE… as Marc expounds on the future of boogieing!!!

You can watch the entire series on Netflix Instant, if you’re in an ascetic mood. You can find the DVD set from Amazon in our store! Also, be sure to subscribe to the podcast on iTunes, drop us a review, and tell a friend!!! Then stay tuned for our Christmas episode!

Next Week: We celebrate Christmas with special guest Ralph Santiago III of the RS3Feed podcast! We talk about that Christmas classic, Cobra!!

Treatment 48 – Kolchak: The Night Stalker

It’s our long awaited super-secret episode, featuring our first ever coverage of a TV show!

Kolchak: The Night Stalker

We’ve been wanting to cover this show for some time, because it’s a fun, classic horror show that often crosses the line into schlock. TV budgets, and a steady stream of cameos make this show perfect fodder for our show. And what better time to discuss it than Schlocktober?! It stars Darren McGavin in the title role, who is absolutely charming. We picked two episodes to focus on for the show: The Werewolf (Episode 5) and Chopper (Episode 15). Both feature laughably conceived monsters.

THRILL… as we discuss vampires in denial about their vampirism!!!

CRINGE… as Matt and Marc get into yet another argument over a totally trivial point!!!

EMPATHIZE WITH MARC… as Doug and Kirk manage to express skepticism about plot points without Matt challenging them on every little point!!!

You can find Kolchak: The Night Stalker (the full series) on Netflix to watch instantly. You can also find it on Amazon for rental, and on DVD. Look for them in our store, if you’re interested. Then be sure to go to iTunes and subscribe to the podcast to join the fun!

Next Week: We end Schlocktober and celebrate Halloween with the winner of our listener poll, Night of the Comet!!

Treatment 26 -Disaster on the Coastliner

A train leaves San Francisco going 125 miles per hour. Another train leaves L.A. also traveling at 125 miles per hour. Yes, it’s that old, hackneyed math problem…THE MOVIE!

Disaster on the Coastliner

Join William Shatner, Lloyd Bridges, and an all-star cast as they battle an unbalanced Bluto from Popeye who has been popping pills and playing with kittens! No, seriously, that’s what happens. Bluto is trying to crash a couple of trains, and lucky for him everything is controlled by evil computers in the high-tech world of train travel, so he has no problems. Little does he realize that one of the trains is carrying the Vice President….’s wife! Bridges draws his gun, Shatner runs across train tops, and Raymond Burr…well, he takes a phone call or two.

It’s also our first EVER Doug-less podcast, as Doug calls in sick and leaves us holding the fetid, made-for-TV bag that is this film. But, don’t worry, we get our revenge by endlessly shaming him, and maing jokes at his expense. HA!

THRILL… as Matt & Marc open the show with a bad case of the giggles!!!

GASP… as Kirk tries in vain to impersonate Doug, go to the bathroom, and imitate the movie’s soundtrack!!!

RECOIL… in terror as Marc discovers the reverb effect on the mixer!!!

Yes, it’s a much anticipated new episode of Schlock Treatment! So look up Disaster on the Coastliner on Netflix Instant, and the subscribe to the podcast on iTunes! Your very LIFE may depend on it!