Category Archives: Post Apocalypse

Treatment 13 -Interzone

Sean Connery is not in this movie.

If you’re looking for rhyme or reason in our comedic decisions for this podcast, you won’t find them. So, let me reiterate, Sean Connery is not in this movie.

That movie is called Interzone, and there is no one of any great fame in it. There’s a boring hero, a Euro-trashy heroine, and a really weird female-bodybuilder villain with a Midwest accent! Nothing you haven’t seen before. You probably should prepare, however, to see the weirdest sex scene in the history of Schlock. Well…maybe not a sex scene, really. A foreplay scene? Seriously, 9 1/2 Weeks has nothing on this.

GASP… in awe as Sean Connery intros our podcast for no reason that makes any logical sense!!!

WONDER… along with the gang as we try to pinpoint this movie’s demographic!!!

THRILL… as we compare the two great historical periods of the Renaissance and 1986!!!

That and so much more, from our mouths to your ears in beautiful monaural sound!!! Only on this week’s Schlock Treatment!

Treatment 12 -Land of Doom

Click here for a hilarious clip!!

Har-mo-ny… The raiders want to get her.

Har-mo-ny… Can anyone protect her?!?!?


So goes the refrain of perhaps the most wonderfully cheesy end-title theme of any movie. That movie being the delightfully horrible Land of Doom. (Click the poster at left for a great clip on YouTube.)

This week’s treatment stars….no one! There isn’t a single person worth mentioning in this film. That’s probably why Marc, Doug, and Kirk spend almost half of this episode playing a very earnest game of Re-Cast It! You can’t watch this movie without longing for some more interesting actors to fill the roles! So, prep yourself for some serious name-dropping, as the guys basically recast the film with 70s TV stars, professional wrestlers, and finally with a bunch of comedians.

YAWN… with Kirk as he picks up his cup of ambition to start the podcast!!!

CACKLE… with delight as Doug does his Cheech Marin impression!!!

SHRIEK… with horror as Marc sings the end theme from the movie!!!

Yes, we at Schlock Treatment have truly brought the goods with this one. Yet again, we show you that the world is filled with people more incompetent than yourself! All this (and so much more) awaits you upon listening to this week’s…..LAAAAAAND of Doom! (Lan-o-doom)

Treatment 11 -Cherry 2000

Okay, everyone it’s finally here. After a brief hiatus, we’re back with a treatment for all you sexual deviants out there. [amazon_link id=”B003U6KUTW” target=”_blank” ]Cherry 2000[/amazon_link], brings it’s strange, kinky vision of a future where lawyers and robots are at the core of human sexuality, and donuts are served in bars. But never fear, star Melanie Griffith represents the human side of female sexuality with aplomb…though perhaps not speaking so well for rough and tumble bounty hunters.

Also appearing in this one are a host of “that guy” actors, and one “before they were famous” Lawrence “Larry” Fishburn. Naturally, being fans of schlock, we focus mostly on the appearance of Robert Z’Dar because he’s…well…he’s Robert Z’Dar!!

GET DISCOVERED…as Kirk and Marc test out their announcer-guy voices!!!

GET TURNED ON…as the guys discuss the ins and outs of sex robots!! (pun intended)

GET TURNED OFF…as Ahnold “terminates” the sex robot discussion!!

All this, plus a little listener feedback on this episode of Schlock Treatment!

Treatment 1 (pt. 2) –She

XenonERJ Award
And now the thrilling conclusion to the saga of SHE!! This episode still has some of the audio issues of the first, but they disappear partway through where we rerecorded the lost ending to the episode. We pick up in part two just after our discussion of the werewolf toga party, and dive right into the discussion of Godan, the sadistic telekinetic.

And, of course, the episode wouldn’t be complete without our discussing XENON! Hands down the most annoying character in the film, and the winner of our first ever Ernie Reyes Jr. Award for annoying performances. Congrats, Xenon!

Listen below by clicking on the media player.

Treatment 1 (pt. 1) -She

Yep, it’s finally here! Despite endless audio difficulties, we finally have the first half of our Treatment for “She” available for download! If you haven’t already done it, be sure to check out She on Netflix Watch Instantly. It will help you understand as we desperately try to dissect the hopelessly convoluted plot of this film. In fact, this movie was so complicated and intricate, that we had to split this Treatment in two. Part one covers just about the first half of the film exactly.

HEAR….our discussion of the hackneyed names of the film’s characters!!

LISTEN….as we try to puzzle out the mysteries of the hot-tub cave!!

GASP IN AMAZEMENT….as Doug does his Italian Director impression!!

WONDER….if anyone is truly talking about the same person in referencing T’Pau?

You can listen by clicking the media player below.