Category Archives: Guest Contributions

Treatment 236 – Madhouse

Go Crazy! The Schlock Treatment family grows by one this week, kind of like when the Batman family adds a new Batwoman. We’re doing them one better, though, because we’ve got Danielle Henderson! Speaking of guests, Danielle brought us a tale of overstayed house guests in the John Larroquette/Kirstie Alley vehicle (actually, that’s a house)…


Doug lays down lessons on old Netflix business models and Build-a-Bear insurance!

Matt defines Gotham for Beginners and NYC couch planning!

Danielle gives a sneak peek into horror-loving pyromaniac grandmas!

Next week: We’re staying topical with one of the main subjects of Straight Outta Compton! That’s right, we’re looking at you, Ice Cube, in xXx: State of the Union!

Treatment 227 – Thinner


 We’re early this week, you filthy, thieving, non-ethnically descriptive mooks, because of time sensitive material (see below). It’s a more star heavy guest-laden episode than the entire The New Scooby-Doo Movies combined! Join me, Abby Denson, Brian Juergens, and Jonathan Valuckas as we face the curse that is…


Someone earns their most pervy guest award for 2015 IMMEDIATELY (but no one is innocent)!

We reveal stacks and stacks of cultural/gender/sex shaming!

We compare and contrast the better work of almost everyone involved in this mess!

This weekend, you can find Abby and Jonathan as follows:

Abby’s at the West Hartford, CT Japan Summer Festival June 13th:

Jonathan’s at Flamecom in Brooklyn, NY:

Come out if you can, or pick up their books if not!

Next week: Matt returns, but we’re right back out on the range when we ride down Texas Rangers!

Treatment 217 – A Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy’s Revenge

Jesse n' GradyIt’s a week of firsts here on Schlock Treatment, as the Matt and Doug Show is just the Doug Show. Luckily, City Sweet Tooth’s Abby Denson was on deck to bail us out and bring aboard our new friend, Brian Juergens of! Abby specifically chose Brian for his extensive knowledge of this week’s Treatment…

A Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy’s Revenge!

Abby BURNS with curiosity on jock straps!

Brian drops RAZOR sharp commentary on where this film stands in the gay horror pantheon!

Doug SLICES through his picks on this season’s bracket!

Next week: Matt returns to reform the New New Rockers, and we go back to our regularly scheduled broadcast of The Baby!

Treatment 214 – Manhunter

manhunter-06We are again joined by one of our all-star alumni, Death and Taxes managing editor  Maggie Serota! As her pick, we take on another of The Keep director Michael Mann’s oeuvre, the thrilling, the chilling, the whole-family-blood-spilling…


Maggie drops controversial Hannibal Lector knowledge!

Doug somehow forces Matt to be the one keeping the discussion on point!

Matt creates the ultimate hybrid horror film/VH1 reality show!

Next week: The parade of returning champions continues with Alison Abrams, who will probably be working out some issues as we discuss Tank Girl!

Abby Denson’s Floppy Hair Hall of Fame

The Floppy Hair Hall of Fame


Floppy men’s hairstyles have been around for a long time.



Witness the famous Frank Sinatra mug shot, Elvis, and the British Invasion hairdos. It can be argued that men’s floppy hair reached its zenith in the 1990s. The proliferance of teen magazines, grunge, and young hunks on TV shows and movies culminated into a prime time for floppy hairstyles. Matt’s recent discussion of Leonardo Dicaprio’s gorgeous hair in The Quick and the Dead reminded me of this important phenomenon, and inspired me to start The Floppy Hair Hall of Fame on Pinterest.

Here I will detail a bit about some of the most famously floppy hair and the different categories. For our purposes, I categorize floppy hair as consisting of a long section in front that falls to at least eye length. The ideal floppy hair should reach between the bottom of the eye and the mouth area. Leonardo Dicaprio, Christian Slater, and River Phoenix have all reached this ultimate ideal of prime floppiness. The longest hair that I would categorize as floppy would be reaching the bottom of the neck, just short of shoulder length. Any longer than that and it is merely long hair. Floppy hair is superior to long hair due to its volume and versatility.

So far (I have not completed my research yet) I have identified four categories of male celebrities with floppy hair.


The Teeny Flopper

This category holds the most members, as floppy hair is mainly a young man’s game. Eddie Furlong, the aforementioned Leo (Crown Prince of Floppy Hair), Jordan Knight (of NKOTB), Will Friedle, and Rider Strong (of Boy Meets World) all reside in this category. Basically, if they were a famous teen with floppy hair, or playing a teen, or featured in teen magazines as pin-ups, they belong here.


The Floppy Hunk

The men in this category are more mature and have a sexier vibe than the Teeny Flopper. Superstars Johnny Depp (still rocking the flop past 50!), River Phoenix, Christian Slater, Jared Leto (as featured in My So-Called Life), Keanu Reeves, Ethan Hawke, and Bill Pullman have successfully worked this look in their prime hunk years.

Huge Rant

The Floppy Gentleman

Hugh Grant typifies this category of charming continental men with that boyish floppy hair. Young Peter Capaldi joined him in the floppy-haired extravaganza Lair of the White Worm. Cary Elwes, Rupert Everett and Colin Firth have featured the floppy ‘do as well. More currently, Doctor Who actors David Tennant and Matt Smith fall into this category.


The Controlled Flop

The most subtle of all floppy hair looks; the controlled flop may be overlooked at first, as the wearer slicks his floppy hair back into a very neat style. But when things get intense the flop breaks free, symbolizing a loss of emotional control! This look seems to be most prevalent in actors playing very uptight, professional, or emotionally bottled characters. Examples include Kyle MacLachlan in Twin Peaks, David Duchovny in The X-Files, and more recently, Mads Mikkelsen in Hannibal.

Treatment 208- Can’t Stop the Music

Can't Stop the MusicIn the second thrilling week of Should Old Acquaintance Be Forgot, we’re honored with a return visit from everyone’s favorite, Abby Denson! With her in mind, we chose to  revisit what we hoped would be a Steve Guttenberg classic in…

Can’t Stop the Music!


Doug adds a new hanky to the backpocket system!

Abby comes armed (way better than the Soldier) with a wealth of Village People knowledge!

Matt shakes Abby to the core with his knowledge of mustache terminology!

All three work together to discover the secret link from Can’t Stop the Music to another of New York City’s mystical realms. Tune in to find out which one!

Next Week: We continue our quest to find old favorites in the epic fantasy Willow, starring Val Kilmer and Warlock Davis The Care Bears Movie II: The New Generation!