Category Archives: Action and Adventure

Treatment 23- Mutant Hunt

This film settles it, I think. It may be the final proof that 80s movies were truly the height of schlock cinema, probably a by-product of the invention of video. So, if you were a faithful Schlock Treatment listener, and watched this film on our say-so…well, we’re sorry. But remember, this is for your own good! What better example of the healing power of bad movies than this film? The film is, of course…

Mutant Hunt

It stars Rick Gianasi, Mary Fahey, Ron Reynaldi, Taunie Vrenon, Bill Peterson, Mark Umile, and <ahem> Stormy Spill. I list them all, because none of them are particularly notable, with the possible exception of Captain Underpants himself, Rick Gianasi! Our movie also features “cyborgs” with extend-o arms and a nasty drug habit, many jumpsuits, and lots of random back story exposition that’s way more interesting than the film itself!

REVEL… in the glorious new sound of Schlock Treatment, as we upgrade to multiple mics!!!

ROUSE… strange feelings as we discuss the underpants fight, and the fine art of directing porn!!!

RECON… the weird and wonderful world of Matt Ringler, as he gets a call from someone called “Big Lorenzo!!!”

All this and more on this week’s new and improved Schlock Treatment! So, head to Netflix and watch Mutant Hunt, and then head to iTunes and look for the podcast to subscribe and listen to another great episode!

Treatment 20 -Hercules Against Karate

We’re back after a minor hiatus! There was some difficulty in my getting access to the internets, what with my recent move and all. So, apologies for that. But don’t worry, because we’re taking steps to make big improvements to the podcast!

And we’re starting the improvements with this episode by having me (Marc) talk less!!! Yeah, I didn’t really get to watch this week’s treatment. It’s called Hercules Against Karate, or Mr. Hercules Against Karate, or Ultimate Pain…depending on who you ask. It stars nobody. It has slapstick humor and kung fu.

BOGGLE… as Matt explains his profound love of this movie!!!

LISTEN… as Kirk leafs through his countless notes in vain!!!

GROAN… as Marc still manages to blabber on, despite not really having seen this flick!!!

As usual, the episode is available from Netflix. It may also be available, via Amazon digital download. Check our store for a link. I just checked, it’s not. Anyhoo, it’s definitely on Netflix. So, watch this horrible film and come back and check out our podcast for our takedown of it!

Treatment 17- Black Belt Jones

Awww, yeah! It’s time…

Time for us to bring out the cool! We have another very special episode of Schlock Treatment for you this week! In honor of Black History Month, we decided we’d have a look back at one of the foundations of black culture and cinema…the blaxploitation film! Blaxploitation heroes are hip, they’re fly, and they don’t take shit from nobody! This film’s hero is no exception, it’s…

Black Belt Jones

This film was a chop-socky actioner starring 70s karate sensation and all around bad motherfucker Jim Kelly in the title role! You might remember him from Enter the Dragon. It also features Gloria Hendry, Bond girl of Live and Let Die fame, and Scatman Crothers of freakin’ Hong Kong Fooey fame (and a few more famous roles)!

JIVE… with us to the beat of this film’s funky soundtrack!!!

JUMP… on board with us as we analyze the point of a posse of trampoline experts!!!

HELICOPTER KICK… your way into becoming immune to death by cookies!!!

Be sure to check it out on Netflix Watch Instantly ! You can find links to the DVD and the awesome soundtrack in our store. Then, once you’ve watched it, subscribe to the podcast on iTunes and join the fun! Hang loose, bloods….we gonna hit you up with the medicide…on this episode of Schlock Treatment!

Treatment 7 – Dollman

“Thirteen inches with attitude.”

That’s one of the tag lines from this week’s Treatment, Dollman, starring Tim Thomerson.

It’s yet another franchise from Full Moon Entertainment about a tough-as-nails cop from another planet when ends up pursuing a fugitive through some kind of dimensional portal or wormhole or something, and landing on Earth. Only one problem, he’s 1/6th the size of the people of Earth. Let’s just say that when it comes to battling Earth criminals, he’s got a really big problem!! HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!1! (groan!!)

Yes, jokes like that are begging to be made in this film, though somehow get mostly avoided. It’s like the writers set up a long and involved joke, and never got to the punchline!

HEAR…Doug and Marc argue about whether this film is parody or just plain bad!!

FEEL…the joy of hearing the mathematics of scale discussed in painful detail!!

SHIVER…in cathartic joy, as Doug reveals his pick for this film’s ERJ Award winner!!

All this on this our second Treatment in the 2010 holiday lineup for Schlock Treatment!

Treatment 4 – No Dead Heroes

Hot off the mic, here’s the latest episode of Schlock Treatment! We decided to dedicate this episode to veterans, since it’s Veteran’s Day, and all that. Okay, technically, we’re about an hour past midnight. We only managed to record the episode this evening, and rushed to get it posted ASAP. Anyway,  as a special tribute, we decided to choose a war movie. For this we are deeply sorry. The movie we selected for the treatment is called:

No Dead Heroes!

PUZZLE…with us about the weird implications of the title of this movie!!

CHIDE…the filmmakers with us for their inability to hire even ONE competent actor!!

CONSIDER…the limitless possibilities as we re-cast the film with b-list actors who would still improve it!

Yeah, it’s a painful one. If you checked it out on Netflix watch instantly, we’re sorry. But since you went through the pain of watching this, you could at least enjoy this latest episode. Remember: No Good Actors!

Treatment 2 – Revenge of the Ninja

We’re back with another painful dose of schlock, and it’s a doozey! As prescribed, this time it’s 80s karate sensation Sho Kosugi in Revenge of the Ninja!

It’s the 80s, the decade of bad taste, and a movie that begins with the promise of awesome ninja action only manages to deliver a goofy lineup of weird techniques, weirder thugs, and unlikely martial masters. That and bland architectural styling.

THRILL…as we analyze the art of ninja camouflage!!

GASP IN AMAZEMENT….as we talk frankly about the post-mortem coital lock!!

LAUGH…as we heap scorn upon ninja ultra-preparedness!!

This episode is a long one, almost as long as the actual movie! So, settle in with a box of popcorn, and enjoy this weeks Schlock Treatment!