Category Archives: The 1990s

Treatment 37 -Overkill

Aaron Norris hates vacation.

Hey, everyone! It’s the first movie in our very special, month-long “Lesser Siblings Extravaganza!” Yes, just for all you lovely people, we’ve decided to take the whole month of August, and feature the very best schlock from the very second-best siblings of otherwise super-famous actors! This week, we feature


This one stars the beefy, mulleted Aaron Norris, brother of screen action legend Chuck Norris! He plays high-strung L.A. Cop, Jack Hazard (not a joke), who is forced to go on vacation after throwing one of his fellow officers out a window during a drug raid (still not a joke). He squints and scowls his way to picturesque Costa Rica, where he almost immediately lands in prison, thanks to the efforts of a doughy computer hacker (Kenneth Moskow). Moskow is annoying enough for us to seriously consider him for the ERJ Award!

SCOWL… as listener mail reveals our wonderful pedantic listeners calling out Marc, and Marc turning pedantry into a fine art in order to defend himself!!!

GRUMBLE… as Doug discusses the finer points of mullets, beards and five o’clock shadows!!!

FROWN… when Matt attempts (but fails badly at) several impressions, ranging from an Indian version of Marc to Sean Connery, Admiral Akbar and Paul Lynde!!!

So look up Overkill on Netflix Instant, and then be sure to subscribe to the podcast to hear all the fun!

Next Week’s Treatment: Digital Man featuring Don Swayze, brother of Patrick!!

Treatment 30- Quest for the Mighty Sword

I hereby officially apologize for this episode.

It all starts innocently enough, as we crack jokes and chit-chat about this week’s movie. The movie is yet another horribly incompetent sword and sorcery flick, that’s made even worse by the presence of director Joe D’Amato, who I’m told also directed the famously bad Troll 2. The film is

The Quest for the Mighty Sword

It features Eric Allan Kramer, who’s actually a decent character actor. But the film itself is unsalvageably mired in an inscrutable plot, ridiculous action, and overuse of the horrible troll costumes from the Troll franchise.

All that is well and good, but as the podcast (subscribe today, folks) progresses, it slowly decays into a mix of ADD off-topic ramblings and arguments between the hosts. It got a bit out of control and for that we apologize.

GASP… as Marc throws a mini temper-tantrum when Matt interrupts his joke!!!

THRILL… at the new “crazy time” format of the podcast!!!

FEEL… Marc’s frustration when the guys make every effort to piss him off a second time as he tries (in vain) to end the podcast!!!

Yep, it’s thrilling stuff. Again, our apologies. Look for Quest for the Mighty Sword on Netflix Instant, watch as much as you can stand, and then join us for this week’s Schlock Treatment podcast!

Next Week’s Prescription: Sugar Hill (find it on Netflix Instant)

Treatment 19- Time Runner

The hero of this film...and Mark Hamill.

We finally managed it. We managed to catch up to…

Time Runner!!

Yep, it scuttled away from us once or twice, like the bottom feeder it is. But this time we found it, and we managed to find it before it…uh…time ran away. Stupid metaphor, I know.

Anyway, fans of sci fi can rejoice, because we’re finally hitting another film from the genre. We thought it was a bit under-represented in the schlock archives, so here you go! It’s definitely sci fi, what with being a time-travel movie and having aliens and such. And it stars Mark Hamill, and Rae Dawn Chong! Plus Brion James is in it!! Unfortunately it doesn’t really live up to even that small amount of hype.

SHRIEK… in terror as Doug opens with his adaptation of an internet sensation!!!

WONDER… as Matt confesses to his secret past as a New Kids on the Block listener!!!

PINE… along with Marc, Doug, and Matt for a film that actually stars Harry Moonblanket!!

This and SO MUCH MORE can be hear on the latest episode of Schlock Treatment! You can find this movie on Netflix as usual, or check our store to rent it from Amazon. Be sure to subscribe to the podcast on iTunes, find us on Twitter, and like us on Facebook!

Treatment 8 – Dollman vs. Demonic Toys

They’re baaaaaaaack!

Yes, this week’s treatment marks the return of the world’s most irritating toys. And this time, they’re up against our favorite 13″ tall cop, Brick Bardo, a.k.a. Dollman!

The movie is , of course, Dollman vs. Demonic Toys! And at an appropriately diminutive¬† 62 minutes in run-time, it’s one of the easiest films to watch so far. Tim Thomerson returns as Brick Bardo, and this time he happily gets a girlfriend in the form of Nurse Ginger. She makes a return appearance, played by Melissa Behr,¬† after her shrinking by aliens in another Full Moon film, Bad Channels. If the other Full Moon Entertainment films are any indication, you should avoid it.

Add the return of Tracy Scoggins as demon-bait cop, Judith Grey (from Demonic Toys), and you have a showdown of epic proportions just waiting to be botched utterly by the inept folks at Full Moon! Don’t worry, they don’t disappoint.

SWOON… as the ST gang wonders what it would be like to be inside the beautiful Nurse Ginger’s drawers!!!

CRINGE… as Doug treats us to a reminder of the horribly repetitive giggle of the Jack-in-the-Box Toy!!!

GROAN… as pedantry about inaccuracies of scale makes a return appearance!!!

All this and more is in store for you on this week’s episode of Schlock Treatment!

Treatment 7 – Dollman

“Thirteen inches with attitude.”

That’s one of the tag lines from this week’s Treatment, Dollman, starring Tim Thomerson.

It’s yet another franchise from Full Moon Entertainment about a tough-as-nails cop from another planet when ends up pursuing a fugitive through some kind of dimensional portal or wormhole or something, and landing on Earth. Only one problem, he’s 1/6th the size of the people of Earth. Let’s just say that when it comes to battling Earth criminals, he’s got a really big problem!! HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!1! (groan!!)

Yes, jokes like that are begging to be made in this film, though somehow get mostly avoided. It’s like the writers set up a long and involved joke, and never got to the punchline!

HEAR…Doug and Marc argue about whether this film is parody or just plain bad!!

FEEL…the joy of hearing the mathematics of scale discussed in painful detail!!

SHIVER…in cathartic joy, as Doug reveals his pick for this film’s ERJ Award winner!!

All this on this our second Treatment in the 2010 holiday lineup for Schlock Treatment!

Treatment 6 -Demonic Toys

Toys, toys, toys!!

What could be more appropriate this time of year than focusing on the items of all of our childhood desires? Of course, we lusted after Transformers, the Hoth Playset, the Snake Mountain with the voice altering microphone, and the Knight Rider Big Wheel. This week’s Treatment, however, features a foul-mouthed baby doll, a snake-clown hybrid-in-the-box, and a ravenous, razor-toother teddy bear of varying size. Could be worse….you could get socks and underwear!

Yes, this week’s Treatment is the oddly derivative, and yet somehow unique Demonic Toys! If you watched it, then you’re probably like us in that you have no idea what the heck was going on. Sixty-six year old demons? Tricycle-riding, gas mask wearing girls turned hustler centerfolds? Hall and Oats as arms dealers?!?!?!

SCRATCH YOUR HEAD…. as we try to puzzle the plausibility of trick-or-treating in 1925!!

BLUSH…. as Marc rather embarrassingly admits he recalls the lead actress from Dynasty!!

LOOK BACK…. on old Treatments, as Kirk and Doug shame Marc with endless call backs to his previous blunders!!

Welcome to another glorious episode of Schlock Treatment!