Category Archives: The 1980s

Treatment 11 -Cherry 2000

Okay, everyone it’s finally here. After a brief hiatus, we’re back with a treatment for all you sexual deviants out there. [amazon_link id=”B003U6KUTW” target=”_blank” ]Cherry 2000[/amazon_link], brings it’s strange, kinky vision of a future where lawyers and robots are at the core of human sexuality, and donuts are served in bars. But never fear, star Melanie Griffith represents the human side of female sexuality with aplomb…though perhaps not speaking so well for rough and tumble bounty hunters.

Also appearing in this one are a host of “that guy” actors, and one “before they were famous” Lawrence “Larry” Fishburn. Naturally, being fans of schlock, we focus mostly on the appearance of Robert Z’Dar because he’s…well…he’s Robert Z’Dar!!

GET DISCOVERED…as Kirk and Marc test out their announcer-guy voices!!!

GET TURNED ON…as the guys discuss the ins and outs of sex robots!! (pun intended)

GET TURNED OFF…as Ahnold “terminates” the sex robot discussion!!

All this, plus a little listener feedback on this episode of Schlock Treatment!

Treatment 10 -New Year’s Evil

Should horrible movies be forgot, and never brought to mind, then we will bring them back to your mind with another episode of Schlock Treatment!

This week, we watched New Year’s Evil, an 80s slasher that brings us death by bag of weed, and Fonzie’s girlfriend, among other things. We follow our insightful analysis of that film with our first annual SCHLOCKIES! Yes, we reveal our choices for the ‘Ultimate ERJ Award’, the ‘Best/Worst Actors in a Schlock Film’, ‘Worst Crapfest’, and ‘Best Schlock!’

THRILL…as Marc flubs the opening!!!

GASP…as Doug reinforces our hypothesis about his Dollman-crush!!!

WONDER…as Kirk reveals his secret admiration for characters who just don’t care about anything!!!

Happy New Year, everyone!

Treatment 4 – No Dead Heroes

Hot off the mic, here’s the latest episode of Schlock Treatment! We decided to dedicate this episode to veterans, since it’s Veteran’s Day, and all that. Okay, technically, we’re about an hour past midnight. We only managed to record the episode this evening, and rushed to get it posted ASAP. Anyway,  as a special tribute, we decided to choose a war movie. For this we are deeply sorry. The movie we selected for the treatment is called:

No Dead Heroes!

PUZZLE…with us about the weird implications of the title of this movie!!

CHIDE…the filmmakers with us for their inability to hire even ONE competent actor!!

CONSIDER…the limitless possibilities as we re-cast the film with b-list actors who would still improve it!

Yeah, it’s a painful one. If you checked it out on Netflix watch instantly, we’re sorry. But since you went through the pain of watching this, you could at least enjoy this latest episode. Remember: No Good Actors!

Treatment 2 – Revenge of the Ninja

We’re back with another painful dose of schlock, and it’s a doozey! As prescribed, this time it’s 80s karate sensation Sho Kosugi in Revenge of the Ninja!

It’s the 80s, the decade of bad taste, and a movie that begins with the promise of awesome ninja action only manages to deliver a goofy lineup of weird techniques, weirder thugs, and unlikely martial masters. That and bland architectural styling.

THRILL…as we analyze the art of ninja camouflage!!

GASP IN AMAZEMENT….as we talk frankly about the post-mortem coital lock!!

LAUGH…as we heap scorn upon ninja ultra-preparedness!!

This episode is a long one, almost as long as the actual movie! So, settle in with a box of popcorn, and enjoy this weeks Schlock Treatment!

Treatment 1 (pt. 2) –She

XenonERJ Award
And now the thrilling conclusion to the saga of SHE!! This episode still has some of the audio issues of the first, but they disappear partway through where we rerecorded the lost ending to the episode. We pick up in part two just after our discussion of the werewolf toga party, and dive right into the discussion of Godan, the sadistic telekinetic.

And, of course, the episode wouldn’t be complete without our discussing XENON! Hands down the most annoying character in the film, and the winner of our first ever Ernie Reyes Jr. Award for annoying performances. Congrats, Xenon!

Listen below by clicking on the media player.

Treatment 1 (pt. 1) -She

Yep, it’s finally here! Despite endless audio difficulties, we finally have the first half of our Treatment for “She” available for download! If you haven’t already done it, be sure to check out She on Netflix Watch Instantly. It will help you understand as we desperately try to dissect the hopelessly convoluted plot of this film. In fact, this movie was so complicated and intricate, that we had to split this Treatment in two. Part one covers just about the first half of the film exactly.

HEAR….our discussion of the hackneyed names of the film’s characters!!

LISTEN….as we try to puzzle out the mysteries of the hot-tub cave!!

GASP IN AMAZEMENT….as Doug does his Italian Director impression!!

WONDER….if anyone is truly talking about the same person in referencing T’Pau?

You can listen by clicking the media player below.