Category Archives: The 1970s

Treatment 26 -Disaster on the Coastliner

A train leaves San Francisco going 125 miles per hour. Another train leaves L.A. also traveling at 125 miles per hour. Yes, it’s that old, hackneyed math problem…THE MOVIE!

Disaster on the Coastliner

Join William Shatner, Lloyd Bridges, and an all-star cast as they battle an unbalanced Bluto from Popeye who has been popping pills and playing with kittens! No, seriously, that’s what happens. Bluto is trying to crash a couple of trains, and lucky for him everything is controlled by evil computers in the high-tech world of train travel, so he has no problems. Little does he realize that one of the trains is carrying the Vice President….’s wife! Bridges draws his gun, Shatner runs across train tops, and Raymond Burr…well, he takes a phone call or two.

It’s also our first EVER Doug-less podcast, as Doug calls in sick and leaves us holding the fetid, made-for-TV bag that is this film. But, don’t worry, we get our revenge by endlessly shaming him, and maing jokes at his expense. HA!

THRILL… as Matt & Marc open the show with a bad case of the giggles!!!

GASP… as Kirk tries in vain to impersonate Doug, go to the bathroom, and imitate the movie’s soundtrack!!!

RECOIL… in terror as Marc discovers the reverb effect on the mixer!!!

Yes, it’s a much anticipated new episode of Schlock Treatment! So look up Disaster on the Coastliner on Netflix Instant, and the subscribe to the podcast on iTunes! Your very LIFE may depend on it!

Treatment 22- Food of the Gods

Bert I. Gordon, a.k.a Mr. Big, hits Schlock Treatment this week. And he hits us where it hurts! Right in the middle of our dairy section!

Well, I guess that’s more towards the end of the film. Anyway, before America’s dairy products are turned into ghoulish potions that will make our kids into hulking giants, Bert will first focus on our *gasp* livestock and rodents in…

The Food of the Gods!!

Join Marjoe Gortner, Ida Lupino, and Pamela Franklin as they fight tons of American International Pictures interns wielding rubber animal heads! Be sure to watch for a cameo by Chicken-Boo!

CRINGE… as Kirk manages to mistake the girl in the above photo for an Asian, and engages in a series of racist stereotypes!!!

GASP… as Doug reveals a penchant for very, very pregnant ladies!!!

RELAX…and enjoy as Matt and Marc argue the science behind giant children!!!

You can, as always, find it on Netflix to watch Instantly,  and can find the DVD in our store. So check it out, and then check our the podcast on iTunes!

Treatment 20 -Hercules Against Karate

We’re back after a minor hiatus! There was some difficulty in my getting access to the internets, what with my recent move and all. So, apologies for that. But don’t worry, because we’re taking steps to make big improvements to the podcast!

And we’re starting the improvements with this episode by having me (Marc) talk less!!! Yeah, I didn’t really get to watch this week’s treatment. It’s called Hercules Against Karate, or Mr. Hercules Against Karate, or Ultimate Pain…depending on who you ask. It stars nobody. It has slapstick humor and kung fu.

BOGGLE… as Matt explains his profound love of this movie!!!

LISTEN… as Kirk leafs through his countless notes in vain!!!

GROAN… as Marc still manages to blabber on, despite not really having seen this flick!!!

As usual, the episode is available from Netflix. It may also be available, via Amazon digital download. Check our store for a link. I just checked, it’s not. Anyhoo, it’s definitely on Netflix. So, watch this horrible film and come back and check out our podcast for our takedown of it!

Treatment 17- Black Belt Jones

Awww, yeah! It’s time…

Time for us to bring out the cool! We have another very special episode of Schlock Treatment for you this week! In honor of Black History Month, we decided we’d have a look back at one of the foundations of black culture and cinema…the blaxploitation film! Blaxploitation heroes are hip, they’re fly, and they don’t take shit from nobody! This film’s hero is no exception, it’s…

Black Belt Jones

This film was a chop-socky actioner starring 70s karate sensation and all around bad motherfucker Jim Kelly in the title role! You might remember him from Enter the Dragon. It also features Gloria Hendry, Bond girl of Live and Let Die fame, and Scatman Crothers of freakin’ Hong Kong Fooey fame (and a few more famous roles)!

JIVE… with us to the beat of this film’s funky soundtrack!!!

JUMP… on board with us as we analyze the point of a posse of trampoline experts!!!

HELICOPTER KICK… your way into becoming immune to death by cookies!!!

Be sure to check it out on Netflix Watch Instantly ! You can find links to the DVD and the awesome soundtrack in our store. Then, once you’ve watched it, subscribe to the podcast on iTunes and join the fun! Hang loose, bloods….we gonna hit you up with the medicide…on this episode of Schlock Treatment!

Treatment 5 – The Shape of Things to Come

You.....are my number one.....robot!

Treatment number five limps into your friendly neighborhood mp3 player after much tribulation. This was recorded almost two weeks ago (pre-Thanksgiving) but the editing and release was delayed thanks to Marc being a tad under the weather. If you listen closely, I think you can hear the cold slowly taking him over as this episode progresses.

At any rate, here we finally cover the Jack Palance clunker, The Shape of Things to Come. It’s a lovely little sci-fi turd in the vein of Battlestar Galactica or Buck Rogers. Except instead of being a cheesy sci-fi TV show with a low budget, this is a movie with a 3 million dollar budget (Canadian dollars, but still.)

THRILL…as we geek out over the history of saucer separation in film!!!

CRINGE… as we ruthlessly shred the producer’s obsession with minutia!!!

WONDER…what the hell we have been smoking for the weird opening banter!!!

In other news, you can now find us on iTunes! Look us up! Drop us a rating! Or, if you’re so inclined, write us a review!

Treatment 3 – Dracula A.D. 1972

As a special Halloween treat, were releasing this week’s treatment a bit early to coincide with everyone’s favorite holiday for horror films and tasty treats! We hope you took the time to watch this week’s film, Dracula A.D. 1972! Despite it’s slightly less “schlocky” reality, as compared with our wild imaginings of discoing Dracula, we still manage to pick it apart to find lots of less-than-stellar moments.

DELIGHT…as we fawn over the greatness of Christopher Lee and Peter Cushing!!

TREMBLE…at the thought of death by shower/bath combo!!

HEAVE…as you try to eat as much candy as Marc does in the course of this Treatment!!

So, grab your pillowcase full of goodies, turn down the lights,  draw a pentagram on the floor, and start your reel-to-reel playing scary satanic rite music. It’s time for this week’s Schlock Treatment!