Treatment 141 – Planet of the Apes (’68)

ApeLawHey, hey the gang’s all here!

This week finds the whole Schlock Treatment gang together again! Reunited and it feels so good! But don’t worry, it all falls apart pretty quickly, with penis shaming, yelling about ” yes anding,” and  willful grossing out! The good news is that the movie is a cinematic classic (though still pretty schlocky)!

Planet of the Apes

Charlton Heston finally gets his due, as we discuss his scene-chewing performance, Linda Harrison, and the plot of this very confusing flick!

CRASH… into us, as we talk about penises, Dolph Lundgren‘s cum, and eating out decaying corpses!!!

ESCAPE… from your troubles, when we discuss mix tapes, geography, and relativity!!!!

CRY OUT IN ANGUISH… when the show features ten minutes of vamping about Mathlock!!!

You can watch Planet of the Apes on Netflix Instant for the moment. It holds up, so check it out! If you like our show, please write us a review on iTunes, and be sure to favorite us on Stitcher! Then make sure to subscribe for the next episode, since we decided to do a bunch of monkey movies (for no real reason)!

Next Treatment: Join us in two weeks (we’re taking a week off) when we continue our ape/monkey theme by watching the 70s remake of King Kong!!

19 thoughts on “Treatment 141 – Planet of the Apes (’68)”

  1. Marc McMonkey, Kirk Howlermonkey A world where podcasters evolved from men! IT’S A SCHLOCK HOUSE! IT’S A SCHLOCK HOUSE!!!

  2. Monica Salads was stabbed by a fan of Steffi Math.

    Yeah, I know it doesn’t make sense, but this is the first chance I’ve had to listen/comment since I got my computer fixed, so I’m not exactly reaching for gold here.

  3. I have two comments, which I will post in bullet form so that they are too lengthy for Ringler to read:

    1. I am no relation to Johnny Hotpants or whoever that was. Johnny Hotpants wishes he was me.

    2. Maybe it’s just the 2 weeks I’ve had off of the Schlock Treatment “juice” that makes me think more fondly of this (long story) but I feel like this was definitely in the top 5 for funny episodes. And usually, you guys do way better at treatmenting bona fide bad movies than good ones, so you’re probably evolved from apes or share a common ancestor with them. So there’s that.

    3. The theme to Night Court REALLY should have made my top 5 TV show themes. I’m sorry, guys, but I promise that when you ask that question again next Insane Julylum* it will be in there.

    *I suggest changing the name of Insane Julylum if you’re not going to feature Billy Zane but then again I guess that might be beyond your powers to do so.

  4. I agree with RJNC, this one was extra dirty. Must have been the excitement of the gang being reunited. Also, it was super funny!

    1. Oh, and though nobody really gives a crap, I would like to point out that while the astronauts were definitely aware of the fact that they were going to travel forward in time via their sleep chambers, they definitely did NOT know that they were back on earth.

      The scene when they’re in the raft, and goofy Landon says something like, “You still don’t know were we are, do you?” And Taylor tells him that they’re somewhere in the constellation of Orion. Their ignorance explains why Landon planted that tiny American flag in the dirt, as if to claim it.

      But I’m glad that you guys brought up the apes speaking English.

      1. They definitely don’t know they’re on Earth. But the point I was trying to make was that they set a course back to Earth. Then the ship crash lands. And they land on a planet that could reasonably be Earth, they just assume it’s not for some reason. Like the whole movie could have unfolded completely differently if they just made a different assumption, that they had landed on Earth and are stuck in the dessert or the 2000 years they were gone had changed the planet. Because they don’t base not being on Earth on any evidence. It’s just a dropped in plot point for convenience sake of the big ape twist.

  5. I think that Heston appearing in both this film and “The Ten Commandments” is a testament (no pun intended) to how someone can accept science and learn about the world around them while keeping their faith in tact. It’s something I try to do a lot, especially as a major in Biology. You just have to keep your spirituality as progressive as the world around it.

    Or maybe he just did it for the money or because of a contract..

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